Fake news and fake friends

I expected to learn a lot of things during this experience in New Zealand, but something I didn’t expect was learning the harsh reality that some people I thought were my friends in the states turned out to be anything but.

I think this is such a hard lesson for me because I strive to be authentic at all times; I don’t sugarcoat who I am or what my goals are because society says I should. Sure, my language and demeanor may be different in the office than at the bar but I really strive never to compromise my values and beliefs in all situations. This honesty-of-self is extremely important to me and something I assume is true to everyone. Unfortunately, it has been my experience that this is not always the case.

For example, I would love to be able to travel the world by making money blogging and posting on social media. This, I know, is a pie-in-the-sky dream, but something I am reaching for nonetheless. I am not ashamed of it and am not afraid of failing at it. However, I have gotten more pushback on this dream than anything else I’ve ever gone after in my life. I’ve been told this is “inauthentic” or only achieved by cultivating a “fake” personality.  Worse yet, this criticism has mostly been by people who make a career by pretending to be people they aren’t.

I don’t know why the inauthenticity of others is something I have a hard time reconciling, but it is. My past two relationships failed largely because the charming person people saw me with in public was vastly different than the person I knew at home. In both instances when I first started dating these men I was told they were “such great” guys that would “respect” me by their colleagues and friends. Oftentimes the only people who didn’t share this sentiment were their families or other people who knew these men in private.

I don’t say these things to shame people; I say these things because I don’t understand how anyone can sustain such a lifestyle or why am I seemingly more sensitive to it than other people around me. I like to think I have very few dealbreakers, but not being yourself 100% of the time is one of them.

This is not to say I’ve only learned who in my life was “fake,” because the converse is also true; I have learned just who really is there for me. In fact, I have been pleasantly surprised by some of my supporters. For example, although my mom may not understand my need to move to the other side of the world, she doesn’t hesitate to check in now, which is something she didn’t do when I lived in the same country as her. I also still talk to one of my best friends, Liz, practically every day, despite the 15 hour time difference. I have also had people reach out to me and say extremely nice things about how I’ve inspired them or how they love reading my blogs or looking at my photos.

I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by this lesson, as a lot of people travel to “find themselves,” and therefore, also find out how they fit into the world. I also guess it’s kind of naive to always believe the people you support will return the favor.